The following letters are from Adoptive Families. Many of them chose to work with FIA, and compassionate and open adoption played a role in their adoption process. They offer their views and recollections in hopes that it will help other prospective adoptive families beginning their journeys toward creating families of their own. Feel free to contact FIA wiith questions or comments by email at fia@friendsinadoption.org or calling 1-802-235-2375.

From Janice, Nick and Ava

It's hard to believe that just one year ago we traveled to Vermont for your Get Acquainted Weekend Workshop and then just seven months later we were holding our beautiful baby! After our long and very difficult struggle of trying to start a family, we made the decision to commit ourselves to compassionate adoption and to put our trust in you.

All of the delays with our profile were frustrating at the time and made us feel as though we were wasting time, but now we realize that the timing was perfect. We believe that everything happened the way it did so that we could find Ava and she could find us.

We can't thank you enough for sending our profile to Leah and making a perfect match, a match made in heaven! Every step of the process from our meeting with Leah, Kevin and their families, to our stay in the hospital, couldn't have been more wonderful. Our adoption experience far exceeded our hopes and expectations.

We are so blessed to have Ava in our lives. She is fifteen weeks old today and every day with her is a dream come true!

From Lisa

We visited my son John's birth family. His birth mom JoHanna just gave birth to her 3rd child three weeks ago. The experience of open adoption holds many emotions, ranging from the initial fear of the 'unknown', to pure love and happiness. This is a real story about my son's open adoption.

Seven years ago, we were on the cover of the FIA Newsletter. Our story, unlike many at the time, was of complete open adoption, in which we had meetings and phone calls before John was born, and we decided to continue with letters, pictures and possibly visits after his birth. None of us knew exactly where we were going...but it felt right. Our relationship has evolved over the past seven years into such a trusting and respectful open adoption, that it often has me in awe.

The key to our relationship lies in the deep respect we all have for one another. From the beginning, John's birth parents expressed that they did not want to 'be in the way' of our ability to parent John. They were worried that their presence in our lives would be confusing for John and difficult for us. Likewise, we were worried about their well-being, realizing the terrible pain and grief they were feeling. It is because of the mutual caring respect that we have grown so close and are truly a loving extended family. This at first surprised me - especially when I thought I would want more of a letter/picture type of relationship. I adore John's birth family and I love getting together with them. John's reaction to our relationship is one of complete acceptance and normalcy. He looks forward to seeing his birth half-siblings and birth parents. At seven years old, he is just starting to understand how special this is.

We have seen JoHanna and her family numerous times over the years. We got together the first time after John's birth at the FIA picnic when John had just turned one. We had a great time, but realized that the day went too fast, so we decided to see each other again that fall. We were all amazed that during the first year, we got closer and wanted to continue nurturing our relationship. We asked Dawn what to do since we were all so new at this and were not expecting our relationship to get closer. I remember Dawn telling us, "Let John tell you what he wants." I thought to myself, "How can I have my 15 month old tell me what he wants?" But her advice was so well taken, because by his interest and questions over the years, we have developed the bond we have now. He is so at ease with this relationship. We have always told him his adoption story from the beginning, even before he could really understand it. This approach has worked so well in making him know that he is such a special child, one whom not only his adoptive family adores, but also his birth family. He understands his adoption plan was made out of love and concern for him and he understands why he is with us.

This summer, out of the blue, John told me - "You know what Mom, you're not my real Mom." O.K. yes...I was expecting this during a moment of anger - not during an innocent conversation...and after I collected my thoughts...and my heart from my toes, I asked him what he meant. He said, "JoHanna's my real Mom because I was in her tummy." I said, "Yes, you were in her tummy. But what makes something real?" He asked what I meant by that and I referred to the Velveteen Rabbit story. I said, " What made the Velveteen Rabbit real?" John said 'love' and then thought a moment and said, "Well you love me, and JoHanna loves me, so I guess that means that I have two real Moms!" I said, "You're absolutely right honey."

So as I reminisce of this beautiful day and my beautiful son, I thank God for his birth family and what joy they not only brought to my life...but also continue to bring to my life. We don't know where our journey will lead us...this is all an open book and we hope we are walking in the right direction with our love for our children. All we can do is keep on loving and trusting one another and hope that all of our children of adoption will be secure in the fact that they were and are wanted and loved children by all of us.

From Dale and Keeli (through FIA International)

I can hardly beleive that two months have gone by since we brought Gabrielle home. She has adapted so easily to life in Vermont. It was a great concern of ours if she would bond with our family. As you know, we had no need for concern. She came to us immediately, smiling and happy and was even calling us Mama and DaDa within a day! She loves her big sister Mariah and follows her everywhere. Gabrielle is such a good baby. There is definitely something to be said for adopting a ten-month-old! She is sleeping through the night and plays so well with Mariah.

Many people asked us why we chose to adopt internationally. Three years ago, we adopted Mariah, through Friends In Adoption domestic adoption, and were very lucky. We went through nine months (ironically) of advertising before we were chosen. For our level of comfort, when we decided we wanted to add another child into our family, we were not sure if the process would be so smooth, in terms of time or in working with the birth parents.

After meeting with FIA to discuss our Adoption Home Study Evaluation, we brought up the idea of an international adoption. When FIA told us about the Guatemala Program, we felt it was right for us, given our particular interests. We chose this program mainly because the children are raised in foster homes, not orphanages. The length of time to complete the adoption was relatively short, as well as the travel time. While in Guatemala, the program assistant was wonderful. He took care of everything and made the process easy. He even took us sightseeing!

We can't thank you enough. Along with their older siblings, Bob and Nikki, Mariah and Gabrielle have made our life complete. They are all a constant joy to us. We are incredibly lucky.

From James, Ann Marie, Bernadette and Jamesy

Tomorrow is Finalization Day for Jamesy. We cannot believe how quickly the time has gone by. It seems like yesterday that Lauren called to say there was a birth mother interested in speaking with us. And talk about timing. January 2001 started off with a surprising medical experience for me as you know, and to receive a call from you during that time was truly a miracle. Jamesy is 10 ½ months already! When we think of how and when he entered our lives, we thank God for the blessing he sent us and we thank you, our FIA family.

We are so grateful to all of you for the support you have provided throughout the years. We began our adoption journey with you in September of 1995 full of such anticipation, excitement, nervousness, and yes, some fear. Because of your compassionate and caring approach, we immediately felt comfortable with you and with our decision to adopt. We were always confident that our family would grow, and it did. First in 1997 we received a call we received from a friend of a friend telling us of a birth mother due in two months. Exactly two months later, Bernadette was born. She is 4 ½ now, and we are still pinching ourselves. Never could we have imagined the joy and happiness that she brings.

We feel incredibly fortunate to have been blessed with two beautiful children. We are indebted to you and to the so many others we have met during our adoption journey. Because of our affiliation with FIA, we have met two very special people, Fr. Tom Brosnan and Ben Rosin. Fr. Tom baptized Jamesy and Ben has been our attorney for both adoptions. In addition, we have formed what we believe will be lifetime friendships with those in our support group, Leslie & Dave, Pat & Chris, Diane & Steve, and Carol & Harry, and they will always be a part of our lives. We journeyed together, and thankfully we now share in the joy of our children together. What is especially rewarding is that the kids are great friends too (picture below.) And finally, we will always be indebted to each of our birth families for their courage, compassion, strength, and love. They are in our hearts and prayers every day.

Dawn, I don't know if we ever shared this story with you, but the night before our Get Acquainted Weekend, James and I attended a prayer service. During the break, a couple introduced themselves to us. Their names were Joseph and Mary. Never having met them before, we told them of our plans to adopt. They too had a daughter, adopted 20 years earlier. Mary's advice to us was, "Although the road may be a long and bumpy one, just remember one thing, God has already chosen the child for you." From that moment on, we knew that someday our prayers would be answered. Mary was right. The road was sometimes bumpy, sometimes long, but certainly worth the journey.

From Glenn

I'd like to be able to say that up to this point in my life I've done amazing things. That in my thirty-seven years I've managed to make some contribution or achievement. But if you take away my complete collection of Streisand, discount the reading of a few major pop authors entire writings and those of a few more obscure writers and the amassing of a fair collection of Depression Glass, my greatest achievement up to now has been simply getting to now. Like everyone, I've been in love and I've been alone. I've been able to travel the world and see about half of what I intend to see out there, more or less. I've been a student and a manager and a bartender. But I've really done nothing. Nothing until 70 days ago.

Up to 70 days ago, the only real accomplishment I'd managed was seven years of loving and being loved by my partner, Ed, which is no small accomplishment in itself. Then one day, while playing expatriates in the Bahamas we got the phone call. It was Wednesday afternoon, December 19th, 2001. Ed came back to the villa to relate the conversation he just finished with FIA. We needed to call Rachel in upstate New York at 8:30 p.m. Rachel needed to find parents for her unborn child, soon to be not so unborn. We called Rachel at 8:32 p.m. so as not to appear too eager. She was in good spirits; she was also having contractions every ten minutes. 70 days ago our son was born, Aidan Isaiah. We chose the name Aidan, his birth mother chose Isaiah, and Ed and I decided to keep it. Since that day, December 20th 2001, everything I've ever known has changed. In 70 days my world has been reinvented in the image of the most beautiful, perfect, gorgeous human being I have ever known. Every conception of how the world worked has been challenged. Every threat to the world has become a threat to us. Every notion of life has been altered. I've gone through life as one of those annoying people who know just about enough about just about, almost everything to pass a conversation or at least express an opinion or critique on almost anything. As they say, a little about a lot, not a lot about much. This was a position I was prepared to assume for the rest of my life, after all, I'm great at Jeopardy, who could ask for more?

Then came Aidan. Aidan came home with us when he was eight days old, but we've been with him since the day he was born. We flew in from the Bahamas and made it to the hospital eleven hours after Rachel gave birth. During those eight days our roller coaster ride began, as usually done, with its highest peaks and deepest valleys. We spent time trying to get to know Rachel and let her know us. We went home to my family's for Christmas for a couple days, then back. Waiting. It's always the same when adopting, that is, it's never the same. There is no advice for this period that can soothe or calm. On the 27th of December, while schlepping luggage through Miami International, our lawyers called. They told us that they considered the adoption to be non-viable. We were done. We were crushed. Two days later Rachel called and asked us to come pick up our son. We were elated. Then we waited, again. There is a 30-day grace period for the birth mother in New York. We waited, and one night, about 15 days in, Rachel called. She wanted to know how we were doing. Right away I told her how Aidan was, wonderful, of course. Rachel stopped me, she said she knew he was fine, she trusted us with him, she wanted to know how Ed and I were doing. Flooded with relief we told her things were great, adjusting, learning and enjoying. After that call I knew we'd all be fine.

Our 30 days passed and a couple days later our lawyer called to congratulate us. Still there was much to learn. We bought a 300 year old gristmill, gutted it and renovated it to a five-bedroom house, ran it as a B&B and sold it within a six year period. Looking back, that was really nothing. Time has a way of doing that. What I have done is spend the last 62 days with our son. I watched him smile at me for the first time for almost 30 seconds. It may have been gas, it was almost three weeks ago, but it was his first smile and it was aimed at me, and when he stopped I cried. Everyday I learn more. More about a baby named Aidan and more about a man named Glenn. Every day I feel stupid, helpless, anxious and exhausted. But every moment of every day I feel such happiness, so much hope, so much joy, and so much love.

I may not have got much done in the last thirty seven years but today my son held my fingers as he pulled himself into a sitting position and looked into my eyes and burst into a short but amazing baby laugh, then he let go and fell over. Still I guess I didn't do so much, but when he fell back and started to panic I jumped up and laughed and smiled and told him what an amazing, funny, strong and beautiful boy he is and instead of crying Aidan smiled with me, then he laughed too. I did that.

From Aimee, Justin, Melanie and Jacob

We used to anxiously await the arrival of the FIA newsletter while we were waiting to be blessed with a child. Reading about other people's journeys to finally becoming a family always gave us hope that our time would come. As we read those letters we never thought that when our time came we would have TWO beautiful babies born fifteen days apart to write about. We hope that our story gives hope and inspiration to everyone who is still waiting to find their children.

We would like to thank you and everyone at FIA who helped to bring our miracles home to us. Your support and encouragement helped us to stay calm during some very stressful times. We would especially like to thank you, Dawn, for your wonderful support of our decision to adopt two children so close in age. We have to admit that when you told us, "When the time is right your child will find you", our hearts could not allow us to believe you. We had been through five years of infertility, unsuccessful treatments and waiting for our adoption miracle before we were blessed with our children. We can now say without a doubt that you were so right about the timing being perfect. We believe that Melanie and Jacob were always part of God's plan for us. We would not change a minute of the five years it took to bring Melanie and Jacob into our lives. Those five years were extremely tough and we did not realize how immense the emptiness was in our hearts until God filled it with Melanie and Jacob. Through all of the sorrow, pain, discouragement and despair we kept asking ourselves, "Why are we going through all of this? Why did God put such a strong desire and yearning to have children in our hearts, but not allow us to become pregnant?" Now we know one reason was to bring Melanie and Jacob into our lives. The pain and sorrow disappeared when we held each of them for the first time.

We are happy to say that we have two fully open adoptions with Melanie and Jacob's birth families. This was not something that we had planned on when we first made the decision to build our family through adoption. In fact, when our social worker told us during our home study about the visits her family had with her daughters' birth families, we could not imagine how anyone could want such visits. After educating ourselves by reading many wonderful books about open adoption and talking with people who were involved in open adoptions themselves, we realized how wrong we were. Open adoption involves a lot of hard work from everyone involved and at times it can be challenging, but the rewards are so worth the effort. We love Melanie's birth parents, Elizabeth and Mark, and Jacob's birthparents, Julie and Josh, with all of our hearts. They are courageous, loving, and wonderful people for whom we have a tremendous amount of respect. We consider them and all of their family members a part of our family now. We have many beautiful pictures and videotapes of the times our children's birth families have spent with us. The memories and information we will be able to share with our children when they are old enough is priceless.

It is impossible to put into words the joy that Melanie and Jacob have brought into our lives. Every moment we spend with them is a dream come true. They are about eight months old now and growing so quickly. Melanie has four teeth and is crawling, clapping, sitting up on her own, and standing while holding onto someone or something. She has beautiful brown hair that has a red tint and loves to smile. Jacob has two teeth and is doing the "army crawl", clapping and sitting up. He has the cutest dimple and loves to laugh when he is tickled. It is amazing to watch them discover something new each day. They smile and laugh at each other all of the time. Melanie even crawls over to Jacob, snuggles up to him and hugs him. It is easy to see how much they love each other already.

We remember all of the wonderful people we met at the "Get Acquainted Workshop" weekend. We have remained good friends with a few of the other couples that were also at that workshop. We left Vermont that weekend inspired and filled with hope again. We had no idea that just nine months later we would be holding our daughter and son in our arms.

Thank you again for everything you have done for us and continue to do for us. We are looking forward with excitement to the picnic in July to celebrate FIA's 20th year of building families through compassionate adoption. We can't wait for you to meet Melanie and Jacob!

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