Mending a Birthmother's Broken Heart After Adoption

How to Mend a Broken Heart after Placing your Baby for Adoption.

Can FIA mend a birthmom’s broken heart after adoption?  No. FIA cannot mend the sadness in your heart because that sadness is the love you feel for your child. The pain of loss after placement is real, because you are a real mother. You just made a heartwrenching choice and your new reality is beginning to form.

Before placement, you will talk with FIA staff about the circumstances of your pregnancy. Every person is unique and what is best for one may not be what is best for you. FIA’s goal is to understand you and to help you decide what you want for you and for your baby both now and for the next 18 years.

FIA will help you explore your parenting options. Can you move in with your mom or dad? Can a relative help you raise your baby while you work? Are there community resources at your disposal? Sometimes, with certain life changes, you may be able to parent your baby. Your happiness and your baby’s happiness, are important.

FIA will also explore your placement options. What kind of family would you want for your baby if you choose placement? Would you want a closed adoption or would you prefer a family who would love to have you as a part of their lives? Would you enjoy letters and photos or ongoing contact and visits? Your happiness and your child’s happiness are important.

FIA is not here to paint a rosy picture of the tough choices you will be making. Our staff will never tell you to stop feeling the pain. You are bringing a new life into this world, a life you will always love, and you have earned your feelings, no matter what they are.

What FIA staff can do, is wrap our big ole’ arms around you and let you know that we will listen, cry, care and rejoice with you. We will accept your anguish as something real and true and see all the love behind it. We will help you get to a place where whatever decision you make brings you peace of mind.

You are not alone. We are here for you now, as you decide, and later, as you come to accept all the aspects of whatever decision you make. You are a mom now and the love you have for your child will ache in your heart forever, whether your baby is growing up right in front of you or in the arms of a loving family whom you choose.

Something significant occurs when we become mothers, whether it be by birth or adoption. This initiation into motherhood is filled with heartache and love no matter what road we take and we are all part of its beautiful mystery.

A Loving Mom

Please Share, Thank You!

  1. Galih

    Again, Congrats on bringing home your litlte girl!I have no experience with adoption, so I found this post really interesting. What jumped out to me what that you are asking that no one else feeds her or picks her up. Here is why:My daughter used to be EXTREMELY clingy and wouldn’t go to even grandparents. I used to talk to my mom about it and asking her, “What am I suppose to do?” Then she shared with me that when they had foster babies in their home, they would go to ANYONE. “That’s not good, Rebekah,” she told me.Reading your post, it clicked. I get it. You’re starting from scratch in teaching her who the special people are in her life. I hope that it goes better for you than you could imagine.