How do you Handle an Unplanned Pregnancy in a New Relationship?

New relationships are great. It’s thrilling to get to know someone new. And there are so many “firsts”, like your first date, first kiss, and first night together. It can be tremendously exciting, especially when there’s chemistry between the two of you. You can feel you’re living in a fairy tale or a romance novel, until you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant. Your relationship is new, and you likely haven’t discussed having kids with the father, nor have you anticipated a baby would come this soon. 

What do you do? How do you handle an unplanned pregnancy in a new relationship? 

Begin by allowing yourself the time you need to adjust to this new reality. 

• Do talk to trusted friends or family members. Sharing this news helps reduce the burden you’re feeling. Plus, it’s good to have non-judgmental support. 
• Don’t blurt out the news right away to the father. Give yourself the time and space to assess the situation fully.

Here’s our advice on handling your unplanned pregnancy.

Be clear about your choice

As with any unplanned pregnancy, you have options.

• Parenting: You may want to raise the baby yourself. (Perhaps you’d choose this only if the father chooses it as well.)
• Abortion: You may feel that the best decision is to terminate the pregnancy.
• Adoption: You may want to place your baby with an adoptive family.

We recommend you consider these and know your own choice before you talk to the father. This allows you to establish your own opinion and own preference before he can intentionally or unintentionally persuade you. 

When you’re pregnant early in a relationship, having some time to think helps you determine the option that would be best for you and for the child. As new information presents itself, your initial judgment may change, and that’s okay. However, if you have an unplanned pregnancy in a new relationship, we recommend taking a brief pause before telling the father, so you can determine what your future and the baby’s future may look like. Consider the possibilities first, then inform the father.

Plan your talk with the father

Telling the father may not be easy, but it’s something we can support you with if needed. After all, he’s half responsible for the pregnancy, and you’ll want to know where he stands. We strongly recommend you take time to plan how you will present your news and where you stand on the options. An unplanned pregnancy in a new relationship is too important a conversation to “wing it”. Here are some ideas you may want to consider.

• Meet in public: Holding the conversation in a public place with others around, like a park or restaurant, can add a sense of security.
• Bring support: We recommend you bring your trusted friend, family member, or other supportive person. They can provide back-up, feedback, and even protection.
• Be ready for shock and confusion: The news that you’re unexpectedly pregnant will probably be a huge surprise to the father. This discussion will be stressful for both of you. If you find it difficult to discuss the situation and your options, perhaps your support person can help.
• Don’t expect a decision right away: It probably took you a while to decide how you felt about the three options for handling an unplanned pregnancy. The father may need time as well. In fact, the decision-making process often takes several conversations. Involve your support people as needed throughout the process.
• Delivering the news from a distance: Most of the time these conversations are face-to-face. However, if you anticipate that the father will react violently, a phone call is appropriate.
• Once your news is delivered, expect your relationship to change. Getting pregnant early in a relationship will change the dynamic between you and your partner regardless of what you choose for the baby. Unplanned pregnancy brings some couples together and does the opposite for others.

A trusted, supportive partner

When you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you may wonder where to go for non-judgmental, well-informed, caring support. Friends in Adoption is the partner you’re looking for. We may have adoption in our name, but we’re committed to informing you about all your options and supporting your decisions.

Our team of professionals can even help you with breaking the news to the father. We would be happy to discuss your situation with you and brainstorm ways that you could tell the father you’re pregnant. Let us know what would make you the most comfortable, and we will be there to support you.

If you decide on adoption for your baby, our caring, knowledgeable, infant adoption professionals are ready to provide adoption services, including financial and legal support at no cost to you. No matter where you are in the U.S., Friends in Adoption is there to support you. Contact us.