After struggling financially and emotionally for many years to raise my daughter, I was finally in a good place. I had gotten my GED and had a job that would actually support my daughter and I. Although money was tight and I had little time for myself, I was hang- ing in there. Then, I found out I was pregnant. It felt like some cruel joke!
I was numb for a while. The baby’s father was a nice enough guy but not father material. I knew I couldn’t raise another child on my own at this time. I knew firsthand how hard it was, the sleepless nights, endless feedings and diapers, the constant worry when your child is sick and, of course, always worrying about money. I started to wonder if adoption was my answer.
I wasn’t ready to talk about my pregnancy with my family until I figured out what I wanted to do. I opened the yellow pages to an ad for an adoption agency called Friends In Adoption that talked about kindness and respect. I thought I could use a little of that! I called two or three times before I got the nerve not to hang up. The person on the other end of the phone was kind and caring and asked about my story. I started crying and the woman just patiently waited and listened until I calmed down enough to talk. She sent me some information about adoption and some booklets with pictures and information about the families that were waiting to adopt. She also sent me a book that I could read to my daughter about why I was choosing adoption. She assured me that none of what I was doing meant I was definitely committed to placing my child for adoption because I couldn’t sign the final papers until after my baby was born.
I chose a family with an adorable two- year-old son. Since I always wanted a big brother when I was growing up, I decided to give that to my unborn child. I talked to the adoptive mom to see if they were the family for me and we hit it off right away. We talked on the phone every so often. I was busy working, taking care of my daughter and going to doctor’s appointments. The caseworker at Friends in Adoption also helped me figure out how to explain to my family that I was choosing adoption for my baby and how to deal with the baby’s father. It wasn’t easy.
Since the baby was breech, I was scheduled for a C-section. But my daughter had a mind of her own and was born two days before. The adoptive parents got there as fast as they could, but they had a long drive. I couldn’t wait to actually meet them and find out the name they had chosen for our daughter. We all spent time at the hospital with the baby before it was time to sign the papers and to leave the hospital.
It was the toughest thing I ever did but it was made a little easier knowing that my daughter now had two loving parents, a big brother, many grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins and a life I could only dream of for her. I also know her adoptive parents will tell her about me and her sister and remind her how much I loved her when I made this decision, and that I will always love her. I was also thrilled that I would get letters and pictures from the adoptive parents twice a year so that I would always know that my precious baby girl was safe, happy and loved.