Friends in Adoption is committed to inclusivity so we do not discriminate based on sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. LGBTQ+ families rely on us as their adoption agency. We are known for our caring and compassionate service and our deep understanding of the adoption process from all perspectives.
My partner and I have decided to adopt. What do you think is most important that we know about adoption before we begin?
The first and most important thing to understand about adoption is that it should be all about the child, regardless of the adoptive parents’ sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. With the child as the focus, all other aspects are about adoption as a process — the legal requirements, what happens before, during and after the adoption, and whether LGBTQ+ families are welcomed by an agency.
Many private adoption agencies welcome the LGBTQ+ community as potential loving families for infants who need adoptive homes. Still, LGBTQ+ experiences with adoption will vary based on where you live because state adoption laws differ.
A great place to start your adoption journey is finding an adoption agency that supports diversity and welcomes LGBTQ+ prospective adoptive parents. Ask other LGBTQ+ parents about their experiences and agency recommendations. You can also search for LGBTQ+ parenting groups or contact your local LGBTQ+ community center. A good adoption agency can address your concerns, explain the process of adopting an infant, and even refer you to a knowledgeable adoption attorney.
While the Supreme Court’s historic 2015 ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges brought marriage equality to all 50 States, it did not specifically address adoption. Laws pertaining to adoption are state-specific and can be confusing. That’s why you need an experienced attorney.
Regardless of whether you’re married, in a civil union, or in a domestic partnership, we recommend that both parents adopt. This provides the child with necessary legal protection and typically also grants adoptive parents the same rights as biological parents in custody and visitation matters.
Does it Take LGBTQ+ Families Longer to Adopt?
LGBTQ+ prospective adoptive parents often feel they will have a harder time adopting than other families. This is not necessarily true. Take the time to explore the lifetime nature of adoption. Learn about how your family’s needs will change at various stages in your child’s development. There are many ways of becoming a family through adoption and each one has its own set of characteristics. The decisions that you make now will be the decisions that you will live with for the rest of your lives.
Above all, do as much as you can to learn about how adoption will affect you and your child in the years ahead so that you can become the best parent that you can possibly be.
Can you recommend any books for explaining LGBTQ+ adoption to a young child?
There are many books out there that help parents explain LGBTQ+ adoption. Here are a few suggestions:
Written by Miriam B. Schiffer, this book tells Stella’s story. When Stella’s class is having a Mother’s Day celebration, she tells her story of having two dads who take care of her and support her every day. Although she’s nervous about it at first, bringing her dads to the party helps explain love, acceptance and the different definitions of what’s meant by “family.”
Authors Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell weave the story of Roy and Silo, two male penguins who long to have a family. With the help of the zookeeper, they adopt and raise a baby penguin, Tango.
This book by author Anthony Hale centers on a same-sex animal couple and educates children about cultural diversity within a family. It also shows different variations on a family including children carried by a surrogate and children brought home through adoption.
This is a whimsical ode to families and explains the common thread that creates them all. This colorful, inclusive picture book shows that no matter how a family comes to be, what makes it a family is deciding to choose love.
Author Vanita Oelschlager presents a playground conversation between two children. The boy says he heard that the girl has two dads. The girl says that is right—she has Daddy and Poppa.
This picture book reflects a child’s practical and innocent look at the adults who nurture and love her. It’s clear the family’s loving bond isn’t burdened by any cultural misconception.
Here the same author explains a beach conversation among three children. A boy asks another boy about having two mommies. A young girl asks some questions too. True to a child’s curiosity, practical questions follow. Which mom is there when you want to go fishing?
We’re Here to Answer Your Questions About LGBTQ+ Adoption
We have experience working with a diverse range of families to create successful adoptions, and are ready to answer your questions. Contact our helpful, friendly, knowledgeable adoption professionals. Or read our FAQs for more information.