A testimonial by Jen and John, about their Experience with Friends in Adoption.
After enduring many years of infertility treatment, we reached the end of our rope one September afternoon. The doctor had called to tell us that the in vitro treatment that cost us close to $7500 had failed. We could keep going, but there was less than 10 percent chance of success.
I had to do something so I wouldn’t feel so powerless. I looked in the yellow pages for adoption agencies. I had done it once before and even attended a few meetings, but either I wasn’t ready or hadn’t found the right agency. There was one agency I hadn’t called because its main office was in Vermont and we lived in New York. I mistakenly thought we couldn’t work with them because of where we lived. The voice on the other end of the phone was so kind and caring that I could have crawled into the wire. She explained that after sending us some information, the first step was to attend a Get Acquainted Workshop in Vermont. I was more hopeful and excited than I had been in years. When I asked when the next workshop was and how to register, she explained that I had to wait three months. I was devastated! An hour or two later, I got a phone call. FIA called me back and the staff person threw me a life preserver when she said; I know it’s last minute but we got a cancellation for our upcoming workshop; it’s in two days! I excitedly registered on the spot and prepared to tell my husband when he got home from work!
I met him at the door with the old good news, bad news. He chose bad news first so I told him that the in vitro had failed. He couldn’t imagine what the good news was so I told him we were going to Vermont to FIA to find out about adoption. I think John was so glad that I felt hopeful again that he would have agreed to go anywhere that weekend. So we packed and we talked and we were excited for the first time in a very long time. And yes, we were SCARED that this wouldn’t work either.
We told my parents where we were going. My Mom thought we were going to Vermont to pick up the baby. I explained that the agency didn’t have a baby waiting in its office and that adoption was very different than when she was young. A woman would have to choose us. On our way to Vermont, I was worried about being with other couples that were in our shoes, how would we measure up, would we be the oldest ones there, would the agency like us, were there any babies to adopt and how fast could we get one. I also didn’t want to bare our very personal story about why we couldn’t get pregnant to a room filled with folks we’d never met before, something we never ended up doing anyway. We decided to give it a try and if it didn’t work out we figured it was a learning experience and a nice get-away in Vermont.
It was the best weekend of our lives! The other couples we met were unbelievable, the staff answered questions we didn’t know we had, the food was fabulous, and John and I had alone time to talk about whether adoption was for us. Well it was! After borrowing money from my brother, we signed up with FIA to become adoptive parents.
Our beautiful, healthy son was born a year and a half later, His birth mom was a smart, kind woman who was already raising two children on her own and knew she couldn’t give her son everything she wanted to. We met Susan after she had identified two couples (one was us) that she wanted to meet. We hit it off instantly and all the things we worried about were unfounded. We had worried that she wouldn’t like what we did for a living, would only want a stay at home mom (which I wasn’t), that we would be the wrong age or religion, or height or weight. Instead, there were only things in common and we got the wonderful news that we were chosen. In hindsight, we realize that exactly who we are is why we were chosen by Susan. We are so thankful we had the courage to make that trip to Vermont. Life doesn’t get any better than this!
Jen and John