Q: “Hi, I am 19 years old, and I am pregnant with my first baby girl and I am due very soon. I am very scared because I am not sure what to do. I am considering adoption, but my family and friends are not. They keep telling me they will be there to help me but I just can’t see myself raising a baby right now . I really don’t want my child to grow up without a father like I did. My kid’s father will not be around at all, and I know how painful that is. I want to do more with my life besides have a baby. I don’t know if I am wrong to feel this way. What would you do?” – Maria
A: “Hi, my name is Heidi and I placed my daughter for adoption when I was 21 years old. My situation was similar to yours now. Once my mom knew I was pregnant, she really pressured me to parent. I felt the same as you that I wasn’t ready to raise a baby and I really wanted to finish college and being a parent would make that really hard. I didn’t have a relationship any longer with the father so I had no help from him. I really had to tell my mom that I was trying to put my baby first and that was the most unselfish thing I could do for her because I wasn’t ready. I was so lucky to find Friends In Adoption with the help of my aunt and I received a great deal of support from them. Friends in Adoption is a small agency with a great big heart that helped me when I needed it most.
Your feelings aren’t wrong and only you know what is right for your child and for you. Choosing adoption felt really right for me and it was just reinforced once my daughter was born and I saw the bond forming between her and the adoptive parents I had chosen for her. I had support from many people and my mother realized after time that I had done the right thing for my daughter and for me.
I can’t make the decision for you but I can tell you that I had no regrets with my decision. She has 3 parents that love her very much and 2 of her parents are giving her all the opportunities I couldn’t. I also did go back and graduate from college. I feel you should make the decision that feels right for you and there are people who will be there to support you if your family can’t. I hope that this helps and you will be in my thoughts. Please, please keep in touch if you feel you need to talk some more. I wish all the best for you and your baby.”
– Heidi, a birth mother